Why Walking Eagle and the Escort Have the Perfect Marriage for his Fanbase

The imperial couple is – surprise, surprise – in the news yet again. And this time the question is whether or not they are truly happy. Though to be perfectly honest, when is this ever not up for debate?! Speculations abound on who’s the true victim, and in a few more years (perhaps even months) I’m sure we’ll be privy to a bevy of dystopian/ post- and pre-apocalyptic novels on the imperial couple. Or the country they ran into the ground. Or the new country that suddenly arose with a bridge over the Bering Strait connecting the now-completely-appeased nations.

There are as many theories as there are discussions about that most unholy of unions. He’s a tyrant, she’s a spy. She’s a (double) agent, he’s the cuckolded buffoon. She’s the executor of the will of the Puppet Master Of All Puppet Masters (quite an achievement for a dwarf, but then look at Napoleon), and he’s a helpless fish on a hook who will say, do, and give anything to go free. And so on, and so forth. Whichever angle you prefer, you’re bound to find something to quench your thirst. All while people wonder how upstanding Christians, who place moral values above any and everything else, can condone not only this union but along with it also the behavior.

And yet people forget one very important thing. Considering the base they are catering to, their marriage is (the) perfect (example). A union based not on love but functionality. To grossly misappropriate a Pet Shop Boys song (and I apologize to the band and the fans alike), he has the brains (by proxy, see Puppet Master above), she’s got the looks, [let them] make lots of money.

He has truly made America great again, as has been promised. The question is for whom.

P.S. The answer is, white, (over-)privileged males following an evangelical script), who (tend to) forget that the year is 2018AD, and 2018BC. The idiot with the faded soap star name vying for a Senate seat in Missouri being a prime example.



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